The Only One Left
by Padfoot Lives
Summary: Remus can't forgive himself (AU. Set after the alterned-ending of "Prisoner of Azkaban". NO SLASH!) . . .


  
Disclaimer: The song "Left" is not mine, it belongs to Nickelback. Don't own Harry Potter either! Wish I did though, guess who'd still be alive? *sobbing*   
  
Summary: Remus can't forgive himself (A/U. Set just after an altered-ending of "Prisoner of Azkaban") . . .   
  
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~The Only One Left~   
  
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Lightning flashed mercilessly over the edge-of-town cottage. Roaring alongside was the thunder, brutal and fierce as it crashed over the waves of the nearby shore and mingled with the agonized howl of the wind . . . a cry that could only have been matched by the one that wept in the heart of a werewolf, the lone man sitting inside that cottage.

Remus Lupin hadn't moved for a long time. He merely sat there, unheeding of the storm, barely noticing the torrential rain slashing against the glass panes of his window. His thoughts were elsewhere. His mind, unbidden, was drifting back to a cold night one week ago . . .

When he'd taken the Defense Against the Dark Arts job at Hogwarts, partly with the intent of protecting Harry from the supposed revenge of a fanatic Death Eater who had once been Remus' best friend, he had never expected to face the numerous break-ins the man had accomplished.

Some part of him had never stopped caring about his best friend, as deep as love and protection for a brother. That part had refused to allow him to breathe a word about the truth of the shaggy black dog.

Yet he had never expected to come face to face with Sirius Black again.

Remus jaw clenched and his heart ached unbearably. He remembered the expression in Sirius' lost eyes when they had finally met in the Shrieking Shack, and he remembered all too well the broken loneliness that had flickered in them when Remus had issued a cold order for an explanation.

Harry had been hard to restrain. Ron's led had been broken. Hermione seemed curiously lost, almost as if it was hurting her unbearably to see the fury in their eyes as they looked on Sirius's deadened form. And Remus, unable to tie Padfoot up, had instead allowed him to speak with more anger and contempt than he could now bear.

Sirius had tried to speak, tried to explain everything to them. He tried to make Ron give Scabbers up and tried to convince them of his innocence and undying loyalty to James and Remus himself.

_"You're heartless, Sirius,"_ Remus had said coldly, rage coursing through him almost unreasonably. _"Blaming everything on Wormtail just because you killed him and he can't defend himself right now."_

The look of pain in his dark eyes had been almost too much for Remus to bear.

And how the hatred at himself had threatened to overcome him when Peter Pettigrew had morphed into a man right before their very eyes, watery stare triumphant and mad.

_"The Dark Lord will rise,"_ he had screamed insanely, _"And you, Sirius, will not live to see it! You must die now, for no witness can be alive to prove my existence! For who will believe a werewolf or three foolish children?"_

In an instant, Sirius had growled: _"Run! I'll take him!"_ and transformed into a black dog, before charging from the Shack with a rat chasing him.

Shocked, broken, horrified, Remus had followed in desperate pursuit. Hermione raced after him, closely followed by Harry. Ron, of course, could not move.

They followed the snapping of twigs through the forest, till the river. And then . . . Remus bowed his head, tears stinging his eyes agonizingly.

  
  


_ I saw the river, just pulled him down  
I knew the man who hunted him down  
We watched the river, take him away  
Before he died, I knew it then:  
I am the only one  
Oh, I am the only one left _

  
  


They had watched Sirius, now a man again, being pushed into the deadly flood of the river and being dragged away, slammed against rock and mud and finally knocked into the banks.

His mind unable to understand, unable to comprehend the thought of watching his best friend, the man he had in some way betrayed, die, it had taken him a moment to realize that he was running across the bank.

At the side of the innocent, broken man, Hermione had broken down crying, her hand instantly being grasped by one of Sirius's weak ones in a connection that could not be explained. Tears had started in Harry's eyes as he crouched beside his godfather, face buried in his arms in grief.

But Remus . . . Remus couldn't cry. He couldn't bear the pain. He couldn't bear it.

  
  


_ Tired and afraid lies a saddened man  
Knelt beside him with head in hand  
And escaped on a lonely breath  
But before he died, I knew it then:  
  
Oh, I am the only one  
I am the only one  
Oh, I am the only one left  
Who ever gave a damn about you  
I am sorry . . ._

  
  


Now, truly, completely alone, Remus sat in the midst of the storm, Voldemort's darkness swelling around him and grief growing in his heart. How much had he lost? James; murdered. Peter; betrayed them all . . . and now Sirius; imprisoned for twelve years, betrayed by the lack of trust from his best friend, now dead.

Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs . . . gone forever.

And here he was, the only one left, dead inside but still living, painfully, hopelessly. He could never forgive himself for what he'd done to Sirius. Padfoot would laugh, would tell him not to be a git, would tell him there was nothing to forgive . . . but Padfoot wasn't here.

Remus wept into the remains of the rain-soaked Marauders' Map.

  
  


_ I am sorry  
I am sorry  
I was wrong  
I was wrong  
I've been wrong for way too long  
I am so sorry that you're gone_

  
  


Outside, the storm had finally broken into a clear sky and gentle trickling of the rain. The tempest within Remus continued, ever grieving, ever lonely, ever in agony. But with it and the end of the storm came a new surge of life . . . and somehow he knew that life came from the souls of Prongs and Padfoot, still very much alive inside the shadows of his heart.

He stood up, tears drying on his face as the realization that he was not as alone as he thought sank into him. For James and for Sirius, Remus would live, protecting Harry, Hermione and Ron from the scarlet-eyed darkness that haunted them, and from the mistakes that their predecessors had made.

There was a war to fight, and the three Marauders living within the werewolf's soul were going to be there to see the light again.

  
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THE END   
  
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A/n: Just a short fic that came to me during English Lit class. Hope you guys enjoyed it . . . please, please review!  
_~Sirius will always live.~_   



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